American Socialism?

Given that this is the night before election day and the unpopularity of some of my posts on this topic, I think this will be my last political post. So bare with me! ;-)

There have been a lot of exclamation of "socialism" during this election year toward the democratic candidate and I will have to be honest that I am having a hard time swallowing that pill. Now, admittedly, I am an independent voter who will be supporting Barack Obama for this year, but I gotta say that the proposals that are being put forth are far from the typical "socialist" or "communist" visions that these name tags inspire. Below are the positions I have heard most often referenced as "socialism" and would like to put forth a bit of discussion and history to each:

• Redistribution of Wealth
• Universal healthcare
• Publicly Funded Education
  

The Redistribution of Wealth

This topic seems to be the biggest hitter for the call of "Socialist", but I think it is a bit of a stretch. Redistribution of wealth has been a part of the American economy since 1861 with the passage of the 1861 tax act that created a progressive tax system for the US. While one can debate the merits of such a system, it was not stemmed from socialist inputs. The ideology behind such a system has been traced back to Adam Smith, the father of modern free market economics. The tax policies proposed by this year's democratic candidate proposes no changes to the framework of our tax systems, but rather the percentages of taxation for different income levels, something that both political parties have done since the systems inception. In addition, the tax rate increases he proposes are nowhere near historical levels and are similar to those in the early 80's with Ronald Reagan. Even at current levels of taxation, the top 1% of the income bracket still pay significantly less due to low capital gains taxes (vs. payroll taxes), loopholes, and tax shelters. Just ask Warren Buffet.

When you look at our country from an income disparity perspective, we are one of the highest disparities when compared to other democratic industrialized nations, much closer to China than to any Western European countries. When looking at a history of our income disparity, the gap between rich and poor has widened since WWII, while similar countries have either remained the same or fallen, again, except for China.

And one last thing, I often see the phrase "why are you punishing people who work hard by raising their taxes?" I must remind those folks that the folks who are near the bottom of the income scale also work hard. Those that make over $250,000 are not the only ones. My wife is a good example of those who work hard and make little. She was a preschool teacher and later a preschool director and sadly could barely make ends meet, not to mention have any money available for "luxuries" like health insurance. Now throw a child and the cost of childcare in the mix that many single mothers need to endure and then ask me if they work hard enough..

Universal Healthcare

If the institution of a universal healthcare system means that the country is immersed in socialism, than the democratic countries are most certainly outnumbered by Socialist regimes. The US is the only wealthy industrialized nation in the world without a universal healthcare system. Virtually all of Europe, the largest countries in South America, and a number of countries in Africa and Asia have all deployed different flavors of such a system. I can certainly see benefits in debating the merits of implementing universal healthcare, but calling those that support it as "socialists" in the Karl Marx-sense is certainly off-base. I think the challenge with universal healthcare is around the economics and operational aspects of it rather than the need for it. I think that the one thing we can all agree on is that our current system is certainly broken and we have some of the most expensive and inefficient healthcare in the world.

I think an important concept that is often overlooked in Obama's plan is that the universal healthcare system is to be universally available to all, not universally mandated. Citizens will have the right to choose between plans and those who are happy with their current healthcare system are welcome to keep their plan. This is more similar to how our current mail system works (USPS vs. Fed Ex, etc.) rather than the traditional socialist's view of solely government run establishments.

Publicly Funded Education

The main difference between the two candidates here are really around the use of school vouchers that I have already discussed in previous posts, so I won't repeat here. I hardly think that government funded education would be classified as "socialism" since we have had this model since the colonial times and public funding of school was supported by our founding fathers.

The support for the expansion of the charter school programs is clearly not a socialist idea either. It opens up schools to be managed by non-government agencies and does allow some level of choice and competition between schools without allowing schools do cream scrimming of students through scrupulous acceptance practices.

In regards to funds being funnelled to make higher education more affordable, that is something that just makes sense to me. Having a well-educated populous is one of the cornerstones that made us a world leader and we should continue to invest money into making education accessible to all. Just ask Thomas Jefferson. There is no benefit in keeping those who have the desire and capability but cannot afford school out of school. In addition, the amount of debt that one obtains going to higher education has a significant impact in the career selection, and this I speak from experience. Being head of a household that still has over $30,000 of college debt, I can assure you that a career in teaching or in the science field was the farthest from my mind when I left college. My biggest question was, what job can I get that will pay enough to afford the loan repayments? I don't think this is a decision on whether this is a socialist idea or not. It is a decision we should all support for the general benefit of this country.

Religious Tolerance

When I contemplate why I am a Christian, I can only come up with two reasons:

1. It was the religion in which I was raised and,
2. I haven't found a reason to change.

I mean, the story appeals to me, heaven and hell, sin and redemption, charity and good will, but it isn't like I shopped around for a religion to find the perfect one. Religion to me isn't something you can really analyze and weigh the pros and cons of each like you do when buying a car or deciding when to start a family. Christianity feels right enough for me, at least right enough not to feel the need to "shop around" for anything else. After all, religion is really just the development of a personal relationship with God and living through his teachings. I believe in the teachings of Christianity and the message I get on Sundays.

When I step back and look at the 1000 different flavors of religion, I tend to find a number of commonalities between them. The commonalities aren't in numbers or names of Gods, the stories in their doctrines, or their ceremonies and dogma, but rather they reside in the beliefs of the fundamental rights and liberties of man. In Christian terms, these rights translate to those that abide by the virtues of "Love thy neighbor", "Do unto others as you would see them done unto you", and essentially the 10 commandments. In secular terms, don't steal, don't murder, don't lie, don't commit adultery, and so on. Perhaps I am being too much of an optimist, but I feel that every human has a sense of accepted morality and what is commonly good of society. The presence of these fundamental rights throughout disparate religions provides evidence that man is generally good and encourages the promotion of these beliefs throughout society. At the bottom of this post, I have provided an example of these commonalities with the pervasiveness of the Golden Rule.

It is this commonality in religion that gives me a great deal of acceptance of other religions. If religion is what solidifies these fundamental virtues, and thus protect my own freedom, liberties, and virtues, I whole heartedly support it. In the end, it is our Maker(s) who is/are the judge, jury, and executioner and it isn't my place to be his (or her?) surrogate. If I die and see Buddha at the pearly gates, all I can say is "Hey, I didn't believe in you on Earth, but at least I was a good person to others, right?" That is about the best that anyone can do. It is because of this, I don't really feel that there is a "right" or "wrong" religion. At the end of the day, no one will know for sure until they are at the end of their rope.

Unfortunately, many folks are pushed away because of the "institution" of religion. Not because of the fundamental rights or the foundation of religion, but rather because of those who, I feel, lose the meaning of religion. Those who judge. Those who push their beliefs rather than teach their beliefs. Those that promote prejudice, intolerance, stereotypes, and outright bigotry. Those that rob others from their freedom, their lives or their spirituality through violence, abuse, or intimidation. This is truly a shame. I feel that these individuals have lost sight of the purpose of a belief system and the doctrine from which their belief system is based.

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The Golden Rule in Different Belief Systems.

• Bahá’í: “Choose…for thy neighbor that which thou choosest for thyself.” (Bahá’u’lláh)
  
• Buddhism: “Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.” (Udana-Varga 5, 18) “Consider others as yourself.” (Dhammapada 10.1)
  
• Christianity: “Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 7:12)
  
• Confucianism: “Is there one maxim that ought to be acted upon throughout one’s whole life? Surely it is the maxim of lovingkindness: Do not unto others what you would not have them do unto you.” (Analects 15, 23)
  
• Greek Philosophy: “Treat your friends as you would want them to treat you.” (Aristotle, Lives and Opinions of Eminent Philosophers, 5:21; Bohn Library translation, 188) “Do not do to others what you would not wish to suffer yourself.” (Isocrates, Isocrates Cyprian Orations, 149)
  
• Hinduism: “Men gifted with intelligence and purified souls should always treat others as they themselves wish to be treated.” (Mahabharata 13.115.22)
  
• Islam: “Not one of you is a believer until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” (Forty Hadith of an-Nawawi 13)
  
• Jainism: “A man should treat all creatures in the world as he himself would like to be treated.” (Sutra-keit-anga)
  
• Judaism: “Don’t take vengeance on or bear a grudge against any of your people; rather, love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD.” (Leviticus 19:18) “What is hateful to you, do not to your fellowman. That is the entire Law; all the rest is commentary.” (Babylonian Talmud, Sabbath 31a)
  
• Sikhism: “As thou deemest thyself, so deem others. Then shalt thou become a partner in heaven.” (Kabir’s Hymns, Asa 17)


• Taoism: “Regard your neighbor’s gain as your own gain, and your neighbor’s loss as your own loss.” (T’ai Shang Kan Ying P’ien)
  
• Zoroastrianism: “That nature alone is good which refrains from doing unto another whatsoever is not good for itself.” (Dadistan-i-dinik 94, 5)
  
  

1 Peter Smith, “Golden Rule,” A Concise Encyclopedia of the Bahá’í Faith (Oxford, England: Oneworld Publications, 2000) p. 165.

The humor in politics

One of the best things I have come to enjoy the most about politics is the volume of comedic material that it generates. And even better, it stretches across party lines. This is especially true during a presidential election when the candidates are working 18 hours a day speaking in hundreds of engagements, meeting 1000's of people, getting very few hours of sleep. It is only inevitable that they stumble periodically, making great comedic opportunities. SNL has made a living off of political humor and have really struck gold with the Tina Fey / Palin spoof. (#1, #2, #3). We are on the eve of yet another SNL episode so I am sure that will be classic.

But do we really need comics to find humor in politics? I would vote "Nay". I came across this video on YouTube and after watching it, I am sure you will agree. Enjoy!

Fathers

I don't remember much about my biological father. I see him as an old faded Polaroid, an apparition from the past. He was the gloved hand of a thief that left no fingerprint... I am not sure what happened back then to split my family apart and it is probably irrelevant at this point. I don't hold any resentment, although I do have a hard time understanding how someone can walk away from their children. There is not much more to say about him.

So, this post is focused on my step-father, the one who in my mind holds the title of father for me. My early memories are pretty sketchy, which I am sure doesn't surprise the folks who know me well. One of the earliest memories I have of my father was him coming into my room late at night and telling me that he had been very lenient on me, but now it was time that he start acting like a father. I didn't understand what he meant at the time, but soon found out that it meant a regimen of labor, rules, and obedience. He was an intimidating and imposing man, so you didn't disagree or talk back, you just took your medicine.

Looking back, I was clearly the "step-child". I remember nights of praying and tears, hoping for a time where we could be the typical father and son duo. The time never came. The few times we did interact was mostly when I was of an age where I could work for him. At the age of 12 or 13, I was put to work at his job sites, cleaning up houses, clearing construction debris from golf courses, sweeping office buildings, and the like.


In high school, his behavior became even more erratic and his rules outlandish - DUIs, arrests, drinking on the job. His rules: Your teeth should never touch your fork or spoon when eating, your hands must be above the table when you pray before eating, entering the house must be followed by an appropriate greeting to the father, no sleeping past 9am, and I am sure dozens more that I have long forgotten. His arrival from work often exceeded 9 or 10pm if we saw him at all and when he was in the house, you could feel the tension in the air like a thick fog blanketing the house. The fighting was both unavoidable and never ending and he regularly blamed me for causing the marital problems. I dreaded report cards because it was always followed by long demeaning lectures and groundings. Near the very end, it escalated to a brief episode of violence. My mother, always the savior, made the hard decision to send me to Lubbock to live with my older sister a few months before attending college.

But the purpose of this post is not give a sob story, nor condemn my father, but rather embrace the experience. I have come to the conclusion that bad things happen in life for a reason as part of a greater plan. They represent challenges that test your perseverance, faith, and fortitude. For every arduous time, there is always something to be learned and how you respond helps define you as a person, for better or worse. So, the remainder of this post's purpose is to give my father some post-mortem forgiveness and praise. You see, even through all the difficulties, the fights, the anger, and resentment, there was good in him. He was a man who was inflicted with a horrible disease that he could not overcome. It was a disease that he eventually paid the final price for. It wasn't readily apparent to me at the time, nor did I have any revelations after I went off to college, but rather it wasn't until several years later I started to reflect on the positive influences he did have in my life. At his foundation, beyond the addiction, he held some fundamental values that I was extremely fortunate to have him pass on to me. For that, I am eternally grateful. I only hope I can do the same and pass these on to my children and I will list them here:

Value of hard work

Hard work helps you appreciate the little things in life and prepares you for the times in life that don't come easy. It takes endurance and dedication to get through the bumps in the road of life. And the best part of hard work is that harder you work, the more you enjoy the fruits of your labor. That is probably why I enjoy punishing myself so much when I go hiking. There is no better feeling than climbing to the top of a pass after 3 straight days of hiking, or reaching a breathtaking scenic overlook of the west Texas desert land after an all day hike in 100 degree heat.

Take Pride in Your Work and Do It Right the First Time

When you do something, do it 100%. This will help you go a long way in life as well in a career. I can't tell you how many things I thought were trivial in my job but turned out to be significant keystones to advancement within my career... A presentation I put together for an executive leadership summit, the small "low value" project team I lead, an application I wrote in my spare time.. sometimes it is the little things that get you noticed and it has proven to be extremely valuable to do these "little things" to the best of your ability because you never know who will be watching and what impression you will be setting.

Impression Setting

There were a lot of things in this category but I have named just a few below. It has always baffled me that these things work, but I guess it goes to show you how important the first impression is (and how superficial people can be sometimes!)

• When you give a hand shake, be firm.
• 
  Always look a man in his eyes when you speaking to him or listening to what he has to say
• Listen, think, then speak. If you do it out of order, you'll probably be putting your foot in your mouth more often than not.
• Dress for the job you want, not the job you have

Take responsibilities for your actions

This is a big one for me. It makes me sick when people blame the government, their parents, peer pressure, or authority figures for decisions that made and had absolute control over. Everyone makes poor choices sometimes so just own up to it, learn from the experience and move on. You'll never grow as a person if you continue to rely on others to make decisions for you or show you how to live your life. It is this reluctance of some people to admit wrongdoing that forms the root of so much human turmoil. An unforgiving, unrepentant nature, whether among individuals, families, communities or nations, is responsible for misconceptions that lead to animosity and hatred.

I am sure there are more lessons I have learned, but this blog is getting pretty long so I think I'll wrap up. I am not sure if they have the internet in the afterlife.. but Dad, if you are reading, thank you for giving me character, perseverance, appreciation, and integrity. I am forever in your gratitude and I hope you have finally found peace from your demons.

$700,000,000,000 rant from a simple man

Ok, I'd like to take a moment to rant. So, we are in the middle of a pretty significant financial crisis, some of which is pretty complicated but I get the gist of it:

1. Rampant increase of sub-prime lending for home ownership, partially due to the US HUD mortgage policies and other incentives to increase home ownership. Fannie and Freddie are wrapped up in the mix providing very high risk loans because they have the US government backing them (partial ownership). Other mortgage companies follow suit, often with low initial interest rates that balloon after a few years. High availability of loanable funds and lax restrictions on sub-prime lending cause lots and lots of high-risk loans.
   
   Translation: Lots of people own houses that they can't really afford.
   
   
2. Investment firms jump in on the action through a process called securitization where these mortgages are bought up, packaged, and offered as collateral to 3rd party investors. Now, the details of this process are pretty fuzzy to me, but it seems that everybody makes money in this deal as long as housing prices continue to rise and people continue to pay their mortgages. No reason that won't happen, right?
   
   Translation: The financial sector is playing the hot potato with mortgages.
   
   
3. The price of oil skyrockets, followed by food and fuel. The cost of living rises faster than the average income.
   
   Translation: Everything gets more expensive.
   
   
4. Housing market takes a tumble. Prices fall dramatically. Now those who can't afford their houses (nor gas, food, etc.), also can't refinance because their house is worth less now then when the first bought it. No one will buy their house because there is a housing surplus, thus eventual foreclosure. The more foreclosures, the more surplus of houses in the market, the lower the prices fall.
   
   Translation: Bub-bye home.
   


5. A number of large investment firms, not following their own advice of diversifying their portfolio, were significantly leveraged in the mortgage-backed securities market. De-regulation on the amount of debt investment firms could hold and the riskiness of their investments didn't help. The majority of their profits (and losses) were tied directly to the housing market and when that crashed, so did they.
   
   Translation: Bottom fell out. Big guys tumbled.
   
   
6. Now everyone is in a panic seeing all these large investment firms fall, causing stock holders to selling their assets at a pace comparable to what was seen after the attack of 9/11. "Sell, Sell, Sell" is heard globally. Anyone who had anything in the market lost big. I am still scared to see what is left of my 401k.
   
   Translation: No retirement for you Bob. No college for you Jimmy.
   


7. Everyone gets scared and hoards there money. No trips to Jamaica. No new car. Mac and Cheese for dinner instead of Outback steak house. Now other companies completely unrelated to mortgages or investment firms are feeling the pinch and are forced to reduce cost and overhead so that they can weather the storm. Many are spending their mornings in the unemployment line.
   
   Translation: No customers = no profit = cut costs = layoffs
   

Ok, so here we are, hours after the largest government bailout in history, $700 billion approved to buy up troubled assets from banks, and I am still scratching my head and trying to figure it out. Seems like an awful lot of taxpayer money to dig folks who made a lot of poor decisions out of a hole, but I guess I will leave that up the the economists to figure out.

But what REALLY chaps my hide are some of the smaller print items around this. For instance:

• "Limiting compensation to executives of the failing companies".
  
  LIMITING??? What? I am pretty sure that if, in the course of my job, I managed to lose several billion dollars causing my company to go under, they would not be sending me packing with a compensation plan. I'd probably be in court being prosecuted for fraud. Why in the world would we reward these guys for anything for poor judgement? Oy...
  
  
• "Treasury Secretary will have the power to take depressed securities backed by credit card debt and auto loans off banks' hands."
  
  Woah, now. Wait a minute. I have been busting my hump for years getting rid of credit card debt, working overtime and late nights, kissing up to this boss and that boss. Now because a few folks defaulted on mortgages, I have the honor to pay for others credit card and auto loan debts? I am having a hard enough time trying to figure out why I am paying for people buying houses they cant afford and now you are telling me I have to pay for their car, their Wii, and their trip to Florida too? Sweet.
  
  America, please put the "Pre-Approved Credit Card" application down!
  
  
• "Bailout Bill Laden with Earmarks"
  
  Hrmm.. Ok, so $700 billion is not enough to put into the hands of the treasury secretary to right the sinking ship that you need to add earmarks to it? Well, let me read them with an open mind. Perhaps they are legit, or somehow related to the bailout:

That's it. I quit. It's Friday and I am starting to feel VERY thirsty..... ;-)

A Story of Addiction

So, I most certainly cannot write a personal memoir without discussing the topic of addiction. This is a story I wrote for a creative writing class in 2005. While a bit melodramatic and the wording is still a little "cludgy", I think it is a good way to get it started.

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Five days. I can’t believe it has been only 5 days since I made the wager with my wife. It seemed like such an easy bet – 30 days without a drink.

This drive home seems longer then I ever remembered it. All I can think of are the worms writhing inside of me, craving for a cold pint. They are eating away at my insides, leaving in their place a cold emptiness. Their presence comes and goes like the ebb and flow of the tide. Nothing seems to quell their hunger but time. Like a dog before an earthquake, I can feel when they are about to feast, but can do nothing about it. I can only wait.

This hiatus is ripping at the fabric which defined me for the last 10 years. I am often anxious and uncomfortable in my own mind trying to figure out who this person was before the drink. There is a lot more time in the day and I don’t know what to do with it.

But all of this pales in comparison to the demons that speak to me in my mind. They try to rationalize why I don’t need to torture myself. Their whispers send chills through my spine but I can’t seem to drown them out. The voices creep in at all times of the day and night, when I am least suspecting or prepared for them.

You are as healthy as an ox! A few beers aren’t going to kill you.

I started drinking, like a lot of people, in high school, although my drinking was not something I did at parties, but something I did to escape reality. In college, I drank because that’s what you do in college - weekend binge drinking followed by Sunday morning coming down. In college, I began to come up with new reasons to drink. Thursdays become the 3rd day in the weekend. Monday night football with the guys always needs a good supply of beer. The years are punctuated by holidays drowned in bloody marys, margaritas, and eggnog.

You are still young with lots of life ahead of you! Don’t waste the time you have now.

The addiction creeps into your life like a malign cancer. You never see it until it finally erodes your soul bare. I guess I am “lucky” that I have been surrounded by drunks my whole life, so it makes it easier to smell when the addiction rolls in. My father, grandfather, a couple of uncles, and I have suspicion that a few others have all had it. I grew up knowing how to mix a drink. I have been good in previous years of catching when my drinking got excessive, and had successfully cut back. “Only during the weekends” I would tell myself. Then it became “only every other day”. Recently, I have given up giving myself rules. It wasn’t until my wife and I had a conversation about the last time I went a day without beer. I couldn’t think of one. I was regularly drinking a six pack a day during the week, and volumes more on the weekend.

You have a good paying job, a good family, and a happy home despite drinking. What’s the harm?

Cirrhosis was the cause of my father’s demise. Sadly, this did not curb my drinking, and in fact, the first thing I did when I learned of his death was to sit on my back porch and drink Shiner. I knew his death was coming, but I was surprised that it took him so soon. He was only 50. After his death came the task of cleaning out my mother’s house. There we found hundreds discarded liquor and beer containers throughout the attic and his car. It was only then that we truly knew the extent of his drinking. I had caught him once or twice drinking at lunch time when he would come home from work. It was likely that he was doing that every day. I am amazed that he could hold a job for any extended period of time, but I guess he grew accustomed to that state.

You don’t drink anywhere near as much as your father! He is the one who had the drinking problem. You never drink before or during work.

My world is now under a barrage of temptation. As I work my way home, I am constantly reminded by my old haunts - Plucker’s, Crown and Anchor, Posse East, Trudy’s. Their signs seem bigger and brighter then ever, trying to seduce me into succumbing to my demons. My car is flooded with tunes that remind me of alcohol. I have come to realize that most of the music I listened to made references to beer or getting drunk, or parties, or paradise.

You are the life of the party when you drink!

I am ashamed that I am having such a hard time with this endeavor. I have been successful in changing just about everything in my life, when I put my mind to it. But this is different beast. Each day is a roller coaster and I ride it white knuckled and tense. I have no idea how I am going to make it through this weekend without anything. This will be the first weekend I’ll be in dry dock and on top of that, the biggest game of the season is this weekend.

It’s Friday! The work week is over. You have to have a beer to celebrate!
Everyone has a beer or two after work to unwind.
You’ll just have a couple.

Five days was a good run, but I can’t do this for a month. A few beers won’t kill me this weekend. I have worked hard this week and could use some congratulations. What if we win the big game this weekend? I’ll have to celebrate, right? What if we lose? I only have two beers in the fridge so I’ll just drink those. I just won’t go get any more this weekend.
I pull my car into the garage and I can almost taste the beer. Man, what a long drive that was. My mouth is salivating like a mangy dog. Oh how good it will feel going down! I’ll put some music on. Some blues, no, wait, I think some country will be better. As I open the door to my house, I am greeted by my two retrievers and my wife, glowing with happiness to see me. My wife’s eyes dance wildly and her smile melts my heart. She throws her arms around me. I can feel the dogs making figure eights between my legs, waiting for their turn to get some attention.

One more day. We can wait one more day.

Building a Foundation for Religion

Before I begin, I must encourage the reader to read the Purpose and Introduction of this blog if they have not already. This intent of this post is not to "convert" anyone. This is a snapshot in time of personal reflection.

For the vast majority of my life, I didn't "get" religion. Sure, I did my time in church periodically growing up. I heard the outdated songs and saw the theatrical processions. We did our morning calisthenics; stand up, sit, kneel, and repeat.. The highlight of the service would be the 10 minutes where the preacher talked, but those sermons that actually meant something to me were few and far between.


I can't say that I attended church every Sunday though, but I can't fault my parents for that. There were a lot of "dynamics" in my family to say the least and getting to church every Sunday had its challenges. I am most certain, though, that it would not have made religion any clearer to me no matter how often I went. I wonder if young children actually fully understand spirituality and religion anyway. They learn about the bible and, most importantly, they develop a foundation for morals, values, and social norms but I suspect that the true meaning of spirituality is not really understood.


As I got older and more educated, my faith was even more in jeopardy because I heard stories about Moses parting the red sea, Jesus rising from the dead, making wine from water, and making the blind to see. The Bible read more like the Greek and Roman mythology books I perused when I was younger rather than the doctrine that should be guiding my life. I found it very hard to just "believe" that these events happened. They were events that could never be proven and contradicted everything I have ever learned in my science classes. I never did give up on God though. I knew in my heart that there must be something bigger than us, something more to life than just us wandering the Earth until we die. So I continued to pray, and I periodically went to church, waiting for my faith to somehow come to me. Unfortunately, the epiphany never came and I continued to scratch my head, searching for a way to find and develop my spirituality without compromising my understanding of the world and forfeiting my rationality.

In an attempt to rationalize the supernatural aspects and contradictions in the Bible, I started thinking about how it was authored. It was, in fact, men who authored the text, not God himself. I would reason that perhaps some of the claims and stories had some aspects of embellishment, or the author was using metaphors to tell the story. There was always the possibility that parts of the Bible might have more reflected the beliefs, prejudices, and values of the author rather than the true word of God. This text, over the course of over 2000 years, has also been translated a number of times, subjecting it to modifications due to different interpretations of its meaning, challenges maintaining the same meaning across languages, the use of colloquial language, and possibly political pressures. There are significant doubts to this day among scholars (Christian and non-Christian) on who the actual authors were in the new testament and how many books were "legitimate".

This train of thought seemed to help in some respects, but it was a slippery slope. If I doubt the veracity of parts of the Bible, how can I trust any of it? How will I know what parts are right and what parts are wrong? In some ways, this even brought more doubt.

But I think what has really revived my spirituality - what has brought me back to the church on a regular basis - is the understanding that the meaning and intent of the Bible, rather than the literal words on the page, are the foundations of Christianity and my belief system. It is important to embrace the lessons of the bible and use them as a guide to a better life. One has to question what is more important, believing if some of the events actually happened as detailed in the bible or reading between the lines to understand the intent. Knowing how many species of animals that were around 2000 years ago, is it really feasible that they would all fit on Noah's arc? Is it even relevant whether the author was using metaphors if the intent is the same? I contend that it is not. I don't believe that the Bible was meant to be a history book.

Now I know that some who may read this might believe that this is blasphemy - That questioning the events in the Bible undermines the very Word that the Apostles who down. But I would argue that God made me who I am. I have been built to use reason, to thirst for knowledge, to want to understand how the physical world works. Abandoning who I am and in which mold that I was cast would go against God's will. Right or wrong about this interpretation, I feel that this understanding brings me much closer to God which I believe is the whole purpose of Religion in the first place.

Now, admittedly, I have only just begun my spiritual journey. I have still yet to read the bible from cover to cover and have been getting the Cliff notes from sermons and kids books since I was little. I am certainly the last person to spout quotes of the Bible nor entertain meaningful discussions and debates with other family members who are much more well versed in the text. All I can say is that at least I have found a path for my journey to begin.